Seder,

Great thoughts on life balance. Unfortunately I disagree with you a little bit.

You correctly state that faith and family are the first priorities, as they should be, but I think you still give personal athletic goals a little more space than they should have for a parent. I am a father of two, and I had to quickly recognize that kids need so much of my time, as does the wife. Obviously, the husband will be gone at work for 8-10 hours a day. That is a requirement for almost all families. In his time off of work, he should be assisting the wife with the kids. Even taking them off her hands for a bit each night. Not 100 percent of his free time goes to wife/kids, but like 90 percent of it should. Moms are capable of doing all the kid work themselves, but a husband and wife will have a much happier and successful relationship when the husband is there most of the time. A frazzled mom will not be a happy mom/wife. A man’s purpose is to sacrifice himself for his wife. Just as Jesus was sacrificed for His church. I tried to balance athletics and fatherhood, and it can be done, but the athletic goals need to be tapped way down. 

As the kids get older, they will require less time. From their ages 0 -10, workout time for me was something that was a low priority. I viewed my families’ priorities as MY priorities. Once they hit preteen years, you can leave them for longer periods and resume some bigger goals. Hopefully when they get older you can get them to join you for workouts. Before you know it, they will be 16 and don’t need you all that much and you can do whatever you want. 

This email is pretty rambley, and not really meant to be shared word for word on air. Maybe I should outline some takeaways: 

Keep a good diet. If you gain a ton of weight, your goals are history anyways. I see alot of thin guys who are rocking it into their 50s by staying thin and working out just a little bit. A thin guy with your athletic background doesn’t need to train much to stay competitive. 

Switch away from time sucking goals like century bike rides/racing.

Switch to running, as a great workout can be run in 30 minutes.

Keep some ski specific training, but the running and a thin body will keep you in Birkie wave 1.

Train and race close to home. I am pretty sick of most of my local trails, well, not “sick” of them, but it makes any out of town ski trail look like Shangri la. Limit driving time for workouts.

The most important person in a husband’s life should be his wife. If she needs help, he should be helping. No matter what.

I have kept a bit of training and racing through the years, but I have not kept thin. That is why I suck and cannot stay in Birkie Elite wave or Wave 1. But I do have an Elite Wave Family Life!

–Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

First of all, we might agree with each other more than you realize, but I likely didn’t flesh out my thoughts fully enough to provide needed clarity.

We’re in hearty agreement with our priorities:

God, wife, kids, and work for the kingdom, in that order.

Here’s the TLDR version of my response

*This is a conversation about stewardship and it requires us to constantly run cost-benefit analyses. We’re commanded to love the Lord with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength. I must love my wife like Christ loved the church. I have to raise my kids up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. These are the truly non-negotiable priorities in the Christian’s life. So, anything else — our hobbies, our side passions, even our primary source of income — has to be balanced around those items.

We’re also called to be good stewards of what God has given us — that includes our family, but it also includes our talents and our time.

Thus, this conversation is ultimately about stewardship in light of the Christian’s priorities: to worship and glorify God in all that he does and to raise up his family to do the same.

Three keys and a response to your training tip + getting the final 2%

*We have to rightly prioritize things. If you mess this up, everything will be a mess, no matter what. This is foundational for daily decisions. Your life could appear to be neat and tidy on the outside, but if you lose sight of what matters on the inside, one day you’ll come home for dinner and yell at your disconnected family that you “Drive a Dodge Stratus.”

*Everything we do should be for God’s glory. (1 Cor. 10:31). There is an eternal purpose to all of our efforts, even the mundane actions and unobserved-by-Instagram late-night workouts.

*We have to be good stewards of what God has given us – time, talents, opportunities, material wealth, etc. (Matthew 25:14-30). This is where prayerful consideration and Godly counsel from friends can keep everyone, especially the ultra drive, on the right path.

*As far as your training tips, my answer is yes. Diet, with efficient modes of exercise (like running), plus just a little bit of ski-specific training, will keep you a lot more competitive than you think. This reminds me of a conversation I had with another very driven friend of mine about getting the final 2%.

Basically, he asked me, if I were to drop my training load by 40%, could I still retain about 98% of my fitness? I said I probably could. And, if the only thing that mattered was getting to the start line and competing in a few races for fun, that would be the sensible strategy. At the top-end, fine margins might matter, but for the vast, vast majority of people, they really don’t.

But, I told him that the striving for that top 2% was a key component to my ‘brand’ in the niche nordic space. I’m not trying to get to the start line and just do reasonably well. I’m trying to be the guy who emulates the pros in order to ‘understand’ that one facet about the pro life. It’s opened doors for me in scientific research, in media work and, ironically, in actual ski performance opportunities, too.

I will say, at some point, the cost-benefit will not favor this type of training load, and I’ll have to accept that and NOT make irrational justifications for it. But as of now, I can honestly reflect on the last decade of training and say, ‘yeah, that time and effort was actually worth it, crazy enough.’

For the vast majority, however, the last 2% isn’t worth it, especially when it’s put up against raising kids, loving our wives, or leading our families. So, I don’t judge people who make the call to back off a bit when more important things are put before them (i.e., raising little ones).

Also, I know I’m still learning in this area. My theories and philosophies are sure to be tested and transformed over the next 15-20 years! Call me back and ask what I think then.

Room for nuance

Because everyone’s ‘logistics’ look different, it’s hard to make a hard and fast rule of “you know, you really should be able to train 3.5 hours a day and still be a great dad” OR “you know, if you’re parenting right, there’s no way you could train 3.5 hours a day.”

I think there is a wrong and a right way to do both of those things!

With priorities as a compass – and the ultimate non-negotiable – I believe it’s possible to implement other, less-non-negotiable pursuits. In other words, getting a workout in has to approach non-negotiable status for people who are trying to maximize their potential and get that last 2%. Is it really non-negotiable, though? No.

One thing I will say with training is that most of us have to be willing (unless you’re a professional or a collegiate athlete) to be flexible if we want to try and make the 2% happen and still be good parents and employees.

There have been times for me where two-a-days meant a 30 minute run at 5:45 a.m. and a 75 minute track session right at 4 p.m., every day, with oodles of trumpet playing and dining service gorging in-between. College rocked.

There were other times where I was leaving from my van in roller ski gear, teaching all day, biking in pitch-black darkness and washing off in the river after. Certain work-life balances have rocked me more than they’ve rocked, to say the least.

Today, I relish a good pair of wind-briefs, heated socks, and a bright headlamp because getting out the door in the dark is almost a necessity. I don’t have hard and fast training times. I train once in the ‘morning’ and I try to get out once in the ‘evening.’ Sometimes I’m going into a workout having hardly eaten anything all day, and other times I’m skiing at 2 p.m. after finishing a potluck at lunch….my mindset could be summarized like this: whatever…..everything…let me repeat: everything is training for something.

So, can you be flexible with how you fuel, what modes of training you do, where you do it, the length of time you do it, etc? Sometimes that’s the only adjustment that needs to happen to maintain 98% of the fitness you’ve ever had…at any point in life.

Still, even that’s not true for everyone. While everyone’s relationship with God demands the same thing – the spiritual disciplines such as daily prayer, reading of the Word, worship, and faithful obedience – not everyone has the same wife or kids or job schedule.

Thus, there isn’t a formula for everyone to train like a Visma Ski Classics guy (but, HOW ABOUT THAT ONE GUY IN ‘SKI OR DIE’ documentary?!….with a kid and two jobs, training at 8 p.m. for like 4 hours…totally epic.)

One truth which I think is worth proclaiming is this:

It’s foolish for a man to pour himself into his work — even if it’s work for the kingdom — at the expense of his 1) duty to his wife or 2) his requirement to raise his children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Doug Wilson was eager to write books when he was 30, but he realized two things: 1) at 30, what did he have to say? (That is a good point, Ralph……) and 2) by raising up his three children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, he’d multiply his affect for Christ by three.

His story is both an encouragement and a challenge to me. The idea of pouring myself into my passions is so appealing, I sometimes forget that the best play — the one with the greatest impact — is to heed the words of Psalm 127:3-5:

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.

Psalm 127:3-5

I have lately needed to remind myself when I’m tempted to go out for a longer ski, work on the next great American novel, or try to grow the Sederskier Podcast, that, while it might seem trivial leaving my kids with my wife to play in the living room for 60 minutes, it isn’t. These choices matter. They compound. Time is fleeting.

Theology of work

I know this is getting long, but if you’re interested in some more in-depth detail, I’ve expounded slightly on my theology of work and some practical applications.

“Therefore, whatever you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do ev­erything for the glory of God.”

1 Corinthians 10:31

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.”

Colossians 3:23

In one sense, these two verses, along with the parable of the talents in Matthew 25:14-30, form a basic backbone to my theology of work and pursuits. The key ideas would be as follows:

1. We ought to be excellent stewards of our ‘talents,’ i.e. whatever God has given us. That might be a literal talent — such as the ability to run fast — or it might be something more abstract, like a vocational calling, a large family, owning lots of property, etc. Whatever God has entrusted to us, we ought to give 100% effort to maximize and multiply.
2. Because we are working ultimately for God, we should give 100% effort in all we do. Excellence at a task — no matter how menial — is in and of itself a witness to others. One might ask the master-blaster who can’t break into the top-10 of a citizen’s race why he goes to such lengths to train and try his best, and the only good reply would be that he is ultimately not doing it for others or even himself, but to glorify God in his workmanship. In other words, the craftsmanship we display in our day job and in outside pursuits (the ones that matter to us and we feel called to cultivate – and not everyone can cultivate every field….) stands as a witness to our belief that God is actually real and actually commands us what he commands us in 1 Corinthians and Colossians. If someone gives a lackluster effort in their job, but claims to be a Christian, I would point them to this verse and question whether or not they actually believe it.

“Ok,” you might say. “That makes sense, but is God really talking about sports in Matthew 25:14-30, 1 Corinthians 10:31 or Colossians 3:23?”

This is the right question, and the answer should is what undergirds how you ought to structure your priorities, I think (particularly as time and resources become limited with kids, a wife, etc.,).

Let’s make a distinction. Are athletic pursuits/training in what I’ll call the ‘junk hobby’ category?

Don’t know what that is? Let me put it another way. Are athletic pursuits/training in the same category for you as say, watching an NFL game at a bar or mindlessly scrolling through Instagram reels?

I would love to watch every snap of a 3.5-hour Vikings game on Sunday — that’s what I did as a kid and even in college. Since I’ve been married, I haven’t done it at all. Some of that is ease — it’s actually difficult to get Vikes’ games broadcast here — some of it is money — it’s quite expensive to stream non-regional games — some of it is work-related — during my first job, I HAD to do SERIOUS amounts of lesson-planning on Sunday after church in order to survive the following week, and some of it was family priorities — it wasn’t an edifying decision for our marriage and it isn’t a good way for me to bond with my own two kids now.

So, I dropped it. And I don’t think in doing so, God is going to come to me and say, “You wicked and lazy slave! You knew, did you, that I reap where I did not sow, and gather where I did not scatter?” because of this decision.

I still listen to Vikings-related sports talk radio while I drive or ride my bike, and I pull up the highlights every Sunday night when I’m the only one awake, but that’s different than sacrificing the above mentioned resources — time, money, work, and relational — to watch the full game from start to finish.

Now, that isn’t to say that doing so is wrong. But for me, I think it would be an example of not being a good steward of my time, financial, and relational talents. The cost-benefit ratio is not in favor of watching Vikings games — for me.

Thus, in dropping it, I lose nothing in terms of my impact on the kingdom of God, as I mentioned above.

The same is obviously true of Instagram reel scrolling. It’s a waste of time for me (maybe if someone is a social media content creator, it’s actually a valuable part of their employment) and it does nothing to redeem any talents God has given me stewardship over.

Currently, I view my athletic pursuits differently. It’s not in the same realm as my day job, which is directly and immediately providing for my family — another job God has entrusted to us husbands — but it’s not on an altogether different shelf.

For one, I’ve made money in sports, both in racing and in roles which I believe I’ve received in part because of my racing resume. Taking sports seriously as an athlete myself has literally opened career doors for me I otherwise would have had no shot at. And I think that will continue as long as it is a part of God’s plan. {I say that because my logic would have been similarly true for my trumpet playing…however, in my estimation, that aspect of my personhood is more dormant and less front-and-center, in this chapter of my life, than it was in the past — and might very well be in the future —}

The second reason I don’t view it in the junk category is because it is a means by which I can be a witness for Christ. Being more than just a recreational athlete has given me a platform for Christ, and more importantly, it’s given me opportunities for relationship with real people whom I never would have come into contact with if I didn’t take the worldly pursuit of fast times and fitness so seriously.

I could summarize it this way: pursuit of excellence in sports, in a very real sense, feels like a duty to me. My heart tells me that I have been given a ‘talent’ and I feel compelled to here the words “Well done, good and faithful servant,” when the sports journey is all said and done.

I can’t give more evidence than my own testimony, but I trust that when I pray for guidance, discernment and wisdom, and in faith believe I have received it, that when I make decisions on where to pour myself into — podcasts, writing, sports, music, coaching, something else — it will be used for God’s glory. And when it’s time to pour into something else, I can readily do so because the task itself hasn’t became an idol or mistaken source of identity.

Some application

My advice to those who resonate with these ideas would be to do the following:

1. Pray. Ask God for wisdom and guidance on what to do in order to be one of the good stewards in Matthew 25:14-30. This doesn’t just apply to sports, in my estimation. We live in such a wealthy country, that right now, even people who are middle or lower class have leisure time! This is a serious issue, mostly because most people simply throw that time away. We should be intentional with that time because we should, again, be excellent stewards of our time and resources.
2. Think about the skills and passions you have. I think some of the best ‘worldly’ advice I ever got and put into practice was the idea that people tend to go farther with things they love — not just things they are ‘good’ at. If you find that you really like doing something — that you’re fascinated by improvement in it — that is something to seriously consider.
3. Don’t just judge pursuits by their financial return. This is huge. Some people assign value to things only if they provide a financial return. Of course, as I mentioned before, being a head of a household requires that you financially provide for your family, regardless of whether or not your spouse has a job, too. I like what one theologian said, and I’m paraphrasing: you might not be the one putting bread on the table, but as the man, you are responsible for making sure that bread gets on the table. So, making money matters. But, making money isn’t what makes every pursuit matter. As I detailed above, excellence in a pursuit is, in and of itself, a testimony. Done in the right heart, it glorifies God. But….also, consider this: Some pursuits don’t make a lot of money…..right away. I know many people — myself included — who had certain career opportunities manifested from our athletic resume. It might seem dumb, but companies, CEOs, etc., notice if someone puts down “NCAA All-American” because they recognize that what was required to get there — years of diligent training, patience in the process, teamwork, toughness, etc — are qualities that will probably lead to success in many other workplace ventures, too.

That last point is perhaps one of the most valuable aspects of the pursuit of excellence in sports: transcendent values. I am working on a series of posts about sports’ main objective being sanctification.

I assume you’ll be interested in reading it.

Sincerely,

-Seder-